THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
