I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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