She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
