I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
