Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
