Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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