Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize