Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
