and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
did i just pee glitter
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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