i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
