And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
