i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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