we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize