i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
