they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
