Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
