I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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