I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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