i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
