Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
