my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize