She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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