The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
