Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
