I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize