It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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