I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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