i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
