I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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