So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize