please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
