now i know why i became what i already was.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
