You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
