also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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