Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
