I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
