Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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