i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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