Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
