I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
