I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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