she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
