there's paper in my vomit.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
