she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
