My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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