Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
