based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How naked do you want me to be?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
