I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
