apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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