i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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