i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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