i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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