You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
