i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
