it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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