you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
