Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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