somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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