even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
