Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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