I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
