Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
