Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My cat gives me a boner
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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