Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
