How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
