I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
