garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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