The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
