Midget sex pt 2 tonight
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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