i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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