Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
