Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
