Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
